Every time I go into a craft store, I visibly cringe while walking past the “floral” department. Some marketing genius decided to refer to them all as “silk” flowers, rather than what they really are: horribly fake plastic imitations of plants. Either way, I’m on a mission to dissociate that muck from mainstream crafting once and for all.
That is, until it becomes “the thing” to find their relics in thrift stores, and use them to make something really cool we haven’t even thought of yet. This isn’t to say that high quality, environmentally friendly silk and natural varieties don’t exist, but generally you will only be able to find them through a florist.
So, how do we fight our way out of the indoor polyester jungle? We should join forces to form a Fake Plastic Flower Death Squad. Here is our plan of action:
- Stealthily confiscate all visible artificial foliage from the homes of your loved ones. They will spend significantly less time dusting, but not know why. Bury your contraband in a time capsule until enough decades go by for them to become a hot vintage commodity.
- Don’t buy manufactured fake flowers, you can make your own from just about anything. Wise Craft has a tutorial for a cute fabric version(pictured).
- Remember houseplants? Though most hardy ones do not provide breathtaking blooms, just think of all the terrific stuff you could re-purpose or create for containers!
- Go high tech DIY: Make your houseplants contact you through Twitter when they need to be watered.
- Start seeds now for a bountiful windowsill herb garden this spring. This tutorial on Modish will show you how to make a mini indoor green house.
- Keep a can of wildflower seeds in your car. It’s nature’s glitter!
Does this all sound a bit more like gardening than crafting to you? Perhaps you think it’s just an elaborate scheme to bring back macrame plant hangers…bingo.
27 CommentsLeave a Reply
Autumn, I am totally with you. My first target will be my sister, who is far too young to have so many fake flower arrangements around her house.
Ooh I hate those sections of craft stores too! They are waaay too big of sections, like two aisles worth! They should just cart all that stuff to the dumpster. Oh wait, that wouldn’t be very green.
I can’t stand fake ivy above kitchen cabinets in other people’s houses. They should replace it with something worthwhile like Pez dispensers or vintage lunch boxes.
Recently, after years of being grossed-out by the fake flower section of kraft stores, I was totally taken in.
A particularly dreary New England winter day combined with a vulnerable state of hormone imbalance made me see the light! Why fake flowers are awesome! They bring you bright colors on a slushy day – at ANY time of year! I want some!
Thankfully my sister accompanying me slapped me in the face and I woke up. And now your article will save me from ever thinking such thoughts again. Phew!
Haha! I have always hated fake and fake greenery items, too. They are horrid! I want to “stealthily confisacate” everywhere I go!
I’m just loving the idea. Especially if the squad gets outfits! At least shirts with an ugly plastic flower and a big X through it!
Thanks for your enthusiastic responses to this! So, I’m now the proud owner of fakeplasticflowerdeathsquad.com. I plan on modeling the site somewhat after the Handmade Pledge campaign. Stay tuned to CAGW for further details!
ooer, this is fabby
I certainly agree with it; fake flowers are stupid, bizarre and… well gross. Not to mention unnecissary as we have loads of real, not to mention prettier, flowers all of the place.
What’s worse is fake flowers at a funeral…
False flowers, false grief. If you’re going to buy flowers for someone who’s died, don’t be an ass and by fake ones! Ditto weddings.
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