I know that you’re enjoying your own home garden of Monsanto’s genetically modified soybeans, sugar beets, potatoes and corn. Don’t you just love those potato plants that make their own pesticide? I haven’t seen a single insect in my entire yard in years!
Ooh, and their Roundup Ready seeds–LOVE them! Since it’s my six-year-old’s job to spray our family garden with weed killer, it’s a huge relief that she can spray both our plants and our weeds, and only the weeds are killed.
But maybe you’ve noticed some pesky dandelions over at the park, or you saw a weird-looking bug in your neighbor’s yard that you’re pretty sure is going to sneak into yours next. Yikes!
The answer? Monsanto seed bombs! With just a few minutes of work, you can make dozens of Monsanto seed-filled seed bombs that will allow you to surreptitiously seed your entire neighborhood, street medians, and city parks with the Monsanto seeds that will lead to fewer weeds, fewer bugs, and a greener, happier future for our children.
Most seed bomb recipes call for equal parts seeds, clay, and compost: the clay keeps the seeds contained until it’s dissolved in the first rain shower or heavy morning dew, the compost nurtures the seeds as they’re sprouting in an unpredictable environment, and the seeds are the bomb!
If you’re going to the trouble of using your precious Monsanto seeds to better your neighborhood environment, however, then I don’t know why you’d bother with plain old compost. Instead, take advantage of your Roundup Ready seeds by finding a nice commercial fertilizer that has tons of weed killer already in it. It sure won’t hurt your super-engineered Monsanto seeds, but it WILL kill off all the competition from those ugly wild plants that always grow wherever we don’t actively exterminate them. This is science at its best!
Even better, though–aren’t there a few yards in your neighborhood that are just a little too wild? Maybe it’s an organic gardener, whose lack of respect for perfect order could possibly rub off on your own well-maintained garden, or one of those families who have one of those “Backyard Wildlife Habitats” just chock-full of brushy thickets and weeds and overgrown greenery. That stuff could easily drift into your yard! You’ll have the final laugh, though, when it’s YOUR Monsanto seed bombs whose transgenic seeds drift into your neighbor’s yard and contaminate THEIR crops.
Soon, every yard, public park, and former green space will be turned into orderly fields of only Monsanto products. Think of how peaceful it will be, with an entire city benefiting from Monsanto’s genetically engineered insecticides! Think of how healthy we’ll all be, eating produce right from our own yards that is identical to that grown by the biggest agricultural industries in the country!
So yes, unless there’s some other holiday going on today that I don’t know about, I suggest that we declare this day Monsanto Seed-Bomb Day.
Editor’s Note: Happy April Fool’s Day from Crafting a Green World! If you haven’t sorted it out by now, this is a joke. If you’d like to read a bit about our real thoughts on Monsanto, check out this post on their genetically modified cotton.