I know that you’re enjoying your own home garden of Monsanto’s genetically modified soybeans, sugar beets, potatoes and corn. Don’t you just love those potato plants that make their own pesticide? I haven’t seen a single insect in my entire yard in years!
Ooh, and their Roundup Ready seeds–LOVE them! Since it’s my six-year-old’s job to spray our family garden with weed killer, it’s a huge relief that she can spray both our plants and our weeds, and only the weeds are killed.
But maybe you’ve noticed some pesky dandelions over at the park, or you saw a weird-looking bug in your neighbor’s yard that you’re pretty sure is going to sneak into yours next. Yikes!
The answer? Monsanto seed bombs! With just a few minutes of work, you can make dozens of Monsanto seed-filled seed bombs that will allow you to surreptitiously seed your entire neighborhood, street medians, and city parks with the Monsanto seeds that will lead to fewer weeds, fewer bugs, and a greener, happier future for our children.
Most seed bomb recipes call for equal parts seeds, clay, and compost: the clay keeps the seeds contained until it’s dissolved in the first rain shower or heavy morning dew, the compost nurtures the seeds as they’re sprouting in an unpredictable environment, and the seeds are the bomb!
If you’re going to the trouble of using your precious Monsanto seeds to better your neighborhood environment, however, then I don’t know why you’d bother with plain old compost. Instead, take advantage of your Roundup Ready seeds by finding a nice commercial fertilizer that has tons of weed killer already in it. It sure won’t hurt your super-engineered Monsanto seeds, but it WILL kill off all the competition from those ugly wild plants that always grow wherever we don’t actively exterminate them. This is science at its best!
Even better, though–aren’t there a few yards in your neighborhood that are just a little too wild? Maybe it’s an organic gardener, whose lack of respect for perfect order could possibly rub off on your own well-maintained garden, or one of those families who have one of those “Backyard Wildlife Habitats” just chock-full of brushy thickets and weeds and overgrown greenery. That stuff could easily drift into your yard! You’ll have the final laugh, though, when it’s YOUR Monsanto seed bombs whose transgenic seeds drift into your neighbor’s yard and contaminate THEIR crops.
Soon, every yard, public park, and former green space will be turned into orderly fields of only Monsanto products. Think of how peaceful it will be, with an entire city benefiting from Monsanto’s genetically engineered insecticides! Think of how healthy we’ll all be, eating produce right from our own yards that is identical to that grown by the biggest agricultural industries in the country!
So yes, unless there’s some other holiday going on today that I don’t know about, I suggest that we declare this day Monsanto Seed-Bomb Day.
Editor’s Note: Happy April Fool’s Day from Crafting a Green World! If you haven’t sorted it out by now, this is a joke. If you’d like to read a bit about our real thoughts on Monsanto, check out this post on their genetically modified cotton.
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I didn’t actually read this whole post, but I did scan all the way to the bottom before I realized what day it is :0)
THANK YOU! I’ve been looking for a way to share the GMO love. These seed bombs will be a great addition to our high tech industry neighborhood’s beautiful sunny, level orange days with the occasional acid rain showers.
You’re welcome! Ooh, and we’re totally due for a round-up on crafty ways to use acid rain next. I know a TON of gourmet recipes that call for acid rain as a main ingredient–gives the finished dish that special kick, don’t you know?
Ok so it is still the first for you and I realise you think this funny. I just can’t see the funny side of *Monsanto* Seed Bombs.
Read: ‘Scientist Under Attack-Monsanto Tumbles Down’
Opponents of genetically modified food are outraged over a provision they have dubbed the “Monsanto Protection Act,” Section 735 of HR 933 which was signed by President Barack Obama after being added to an essential spending bill without congressional hearings.
The rider strips the power from federal courts to halt the sales and planting of genetically modified foods even if health concerns arise, according to Food Democracy Now, a food-safety advocacy organization.
This horrified me ! My computer has trouble loading and I could not get to the end of this article fast enough. A joke like this would have been nice short and sweet. I thought you were a serious deranged lunatic. I know you must be pretty cool, but you just sent my heart racing.
i still am not totally sure if this is an april fools day joke or not – SURELY it is!!! i totally flipped out and was about to cancel my subscription to this newsletter!!!! PLEASE tell me this is a joke!!
Guess you didn’t read to the end: So yes, unless there’s some other holiday going on today that I don’t know about, I suggest that we declare this day Monsanto Seed-Bomb Day.
Editor’s Note: Happy April Fool’s Day from Crafting a Green World!
So far I really like your blog and it’s content. However, April Fools Day or not, I think you really need to emphasize that it is a joke, in a clearer-manner. Namely because I know YOU are being extremely sarcastic and I don’t even need to click your suggested link within the editor’s note to know…I do think you need to consider something that is sad but true about the general public…
People have a tendency not to read through, well, anything, particularly online (This is why marketers refer to “above the fold” …meaning, like a folded newspaper, the bottom of the view-able webpage, as it appears when a reader opens it, is the extent of the content you should safely assume they will see). So I am suggesting that you let the cat out of the bag somewhere in the first paragraph, at least. Otherwise I fear for the ideas you are putting in the heads of those who, let’s face it, are probably not just going to stop reading before they have gotten the whole story, but they will probably be spouting their newly found “knowledge” loudly and proudly!
Your entire blog is filled with beautiful ideas and tips for living in and creating green and sustainable communities. I love a joke as much as the next guy, but unfortunately it is not safe to assume that just because they happened upon a blog for the greater good, that they will therefore diligently read the entire post, including the editor’s note…
*Just a concerned bit of constructive, yet respectful criticism. I would hate to think there is possibly even one individual out there singing the praises of Monsanto because they “heard it from your mouth” (so to speak)…
**and I realize this comes over 3 years after your actual post but I figure, hey, it is still up and got my attention
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